Forrest Gump: "Shit happens"

The different variations on the Forrest Gump's saying: "Shit happens".

Taoism:

Shit happens

Confucionism:

Confucius says: "Shit happens"

Buddhism:

If shit happens, it isn't really shit

Zen:

Whai is the sound of shit happening?

Hinduism:

This shit has happened before

Islam:

If shit happens, it is the will of Allah

Protestantism:

Let the shit happen to someone else

Catholicism:

If shit happens, you deserve it

Judaism:

Why does shit always happen to us?

Sufism:

The wise man never notices shit happening

Christian Science:

If shit happens, pretend it doesn't really exist

Solipsism:

Shit happens because I wish it

Mysticism:

Just experience shit happening

Asceticism:

If shit happens, renounce it

Agnosticism:

Nobody knows why shit happens

Gnosticism:

I know why shit happens but won't tell you

Atheism:

Shit just happens and that's all there is to it

Cartesianism:

Shit happens to me, therefore I exist

Platonism:

There is ideal shit happening somewhere

Stoicism:

I don't care if shit happens

Epicureanism:

Let's party while shit doesn't happen

Cynicism:

Of course shit happens

Occultism:

Shit materializes from other planes of existence

Terrorism:

Shit will happen unless you do as I say

Pollyanism:

It's so nice that shit happens

!

Puritanism:

S** can happen all day as long as you don't call it that

Behaviorism:

You are conditioned to having shit happen

Freudianism:

If shit happens, it's your mother's fault

Parapsychology:

Shit happens without material causes

Surrealism:

Purple shit happens near melting clocks

Cubism:

If shit happens, you won't recognize it

Cultural relativism:

Shit happens everywhere differently

Optimism:

If shit happens, we'll find a way to use it

Pessimism:

If shit happens, there won't be enough for everybody

Tabloid Sensationalism:

Green shit from Mars happens to Elvis clone

Biblical Creationism:

Shit happens because God created it

Secular Humanism:

Shit happens because it evolved from primitive shit

Scientific Reductionism:

If shit happens, find out what kind exactly

Scientific Obscurantism:

Amorphous excrement does occur in given cases

Bureaucracy:

I don't care if shit happens as long as you fill out the forms

Feminism:

Women demand to have shit happen

Ecology:

If organic shit happens, it's OK

Capitalism:

Let's profit from shit happening

Socialism:

If shit happens, let's distribute it equally

Patriotism:

Our shit is better than your shit

Conservatism:

They don't make even shit happen like they used to

Liberalism:

Shit shouldn't happen tomorrow

Classical Physics:

Shit does not 'happen', it just moves around

Quantum Physics #1:

Shit happens but you can't say both where and when

Quantum Physics #2:

Shit happens in discrete quanta called shitons

Holistic Physics:

If shit happens, it happens everywhere at once

Microcomputing:

If shit happens, we'll fix it in the next version

Computer Science:

All shit can in principle happen on a Turing Machine

Applied Mathematics:

The probabity of shit happening approaches unity

Engineering:

When shit happens, paint over

Medicine:

If shit happens, take two Aspirins and call me in the morning

Economics:

Shit happens because there's a geat demand for it

Politics:

If shit happens, make a deal with it

Diplomacy:

Let's pretend shit doesn't happen